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07-Nov-2016 16:11

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Loving my stringy body and Cruella De Ville hair when my ex could not. I left a string of broken relationships with men and women behind me down the West Coast. Hoisin sauce and cilantro in beef roll with cold tofu and edamame salad at 101 Noodle House. Walnut Shrimp and Seafood Won Ton Soup at Full House Seafood. When I had to pay for the last few dinners he still wanted to have I knew I had to leave. Super Burrito Mojado robed in cheese, guacamole and sour cream at El Arco Iris. An older man from a big Mexican Catholic family, he had rigid gender role expectations. When he began to use his credit card I got nervous. He traded dinners, gifts, and vacations for the hoped-for promise that marrying me would fund his approaching retirement with my family’s money. Call me a dinner whore if you like but I accepted it. I didn’t want him buying me delicious food to try to sway me. Not the first man to take advantage of my willingness to give him all the blowjobs he ever wanted. They get greedy like spoiled children in a candy store. It grew as tired as trading sex for drugs and alcohol had been in San Francisco. Isn’t dating always some form of transactional prostitution deep down?

Would never be publicly “in a relationship” with me on Facebook. My fancy television boyfriend was impossible to please. Those relationships had precious, beautiful, tender moments. Side benefit of the lesbian marriage: multiple vibrators. Better to have loved and lost then never loved at all. I text my cleaning lady to see if she found my lost vibrator when she was changing my sheets. I add double AA batteries to my grocery list for the spare vibrator I found forgotten in a drawer. I wouldn’t give him the usual courtesy of breaking up with him in person because I honestly feared for my safety. That was only part of a long series of disappointments and fights interspersed with good if blowjob heavy sex.

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He fessed up to using the Dictionary and other apps when I called him out. I didn’t break up with him because he cheated at Scrabble. Whether or not there is, I’m kind of done at this point.

You have so many problems with things about me that I don’t even know why you still want to date me.

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